


cows are generally very intelligent animals

by raggirare



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-06 05:29:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5404799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raggirare/pseuds/raggirare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ushijima is blunt, and the only one allowed to shit-talk Bokuto is Kuroo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	cows are generally very intelligent animals

**Author's Note:**

  * For [furufish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/furufish/gifts).



> Kuroo is a pain in the ass to write wtf I've never had this much trouble writing a character before but this happened. But I hope you enjoy! This was the first idea that came to mind when I saw the request and it stuck with me the entire way through.

So maybe public bathrooms weren’t the best place to pick a fight.

Kuroo tugged at his jacket, more out of frustration than anything else, still stewing over the sheer reason he was here in the first place. He was supposed to be up in the stands with his teammates, watching his best friend playing in his match, but no, he had to be here, standing outside the bathrooms, waiting for his target to reemerge.

Bad idea? Probably. 

But it wasn’t going to stop him.

If he got caught fighting, he had no match to be banned from playing in (Nekoma had lost their quarter-final match the previous afternoon), and he might even be able to drag his target out of being able to play in his upcoming semi-final. It would be almost worth being kicked out of the stadium and not being able to watch any other matches for the rest of the tournament (almost; Kuroo wanted to see Bokuto destroying Itachiyama in the finals yet).

Ah. 

Maybe this was a bad enough idea to back down. 

Except the sound of a door opening and a flash of purple out of the corner of his eyes told him it was too late and the only choice he had now was to confront the unmistakeable spiker that had emerged from the bathroom Kuroo had been standing right outside of.

“Excuse me.” Politeness. Not what the captain had been expecting (though, in hindsight, he probably should have, considering he was standing directly in front of the bathroom doorway).

Too late for niceties. Kuroo’s mind was already made up.

“Lizard-boy and Grassy must be such an unachievable goal if you’re looking down on number four and number five.”

A pause. A raise of an eyebrow. Kuroo couldn’t help but let his lips curl back in a half-annoyed sneer. Ushiwaka had the damn nerve to look _confused_ of all things, like he didn’t know what the hell he was talking about.

“I’m sorry?”

And a genuine sounding apology, too. Kuroo wished he knew why it pissed him off so much.

But he kept himself cool. He let the snarl relax again and schooled his expression. He even went as far as to draw himself up to his full height as much as possible, shoulders squared and arms folded over his chest. When he actually stopped and thought about it, there wasn’t that much difference between them physically. They almost stood eye-to-eye, barely two centimetres between their heights (though Kuroo’s hair more than made up for that) and while Ushiwaka definitely had him beat in terms of wide builds and long torsos, the middle blocker’s slender body had the longer legs.

Kuroo shook his head. That wasn’t important right now. What was important was that this guy had bad-mouthed Bokuto and couldn’t even remember doing it.

“You really are just a simple young cow, aren’t you, Ushiwaka?” The Tokyo captain bit out, managing to sound more sassy than snarky (a feat, really). “Things don’t work here like they do back on your little farm.”

There was a small victory in the form of what Kuroo could only describe as ‘disgruntled’ with the way Ushiwaka’s eyebrows knitted together and the way his lips turned down at the corners almost in a frown. “Don’t call me that—“

“Why not? You insulted my friend so why can’t I insult you?”

“Because it is not my name.” The expression stuck but the Miyagi Ace’s tone didn’t waver. “And if it is your friend who was insulted, why are they not here to talk to me?”

“Because he’s playing his match.” Kuroo clicked his tongue, frustration leaking through. “Bokuto Koutarou. Fukurodani’s Ace. One of the top five spikers in the country. Not sure if your cow memory can remember that much, though.”

For a moment, a brief one, Ushiwaka’s expression wavered, and his tone followed. “Cow’s have excellent memories, actually, and are very intelligent beings that possess advanced cognitive abilities.” (Of _course_ Ushiwaka would know something like that.) “I also remember Bokuto Koutarou. If anything I have said about him has offended you or him, then I apologise. It was not my intention. He is a very skilled player with an enviable cut shot. He has the skillset necessary to become a part of the top three spikers in the country and a valuable asset to the Youth World team, however his personality is unsuitable for a high level player and it is holding him back. If he cannot be blocked a few times without becoming uncooperative, he is a hinderance to the team and is dragging them back and preventing them from victory, and should not be on the court.”

The more Ushiwaka spoke, the more Kuroo felt his blood boiling under his skin. He wasn’t sure what was worse; that this guy who didn’t know Bokuto beyond what he saw from a distance was talking about him like this, or that the other captain’s tone was so frank and matter-of-frank. It wasn’t important which it was, of course, because the middle blocker was growing steadily more frustrated either way, and he couldn’t decide how he wanted to let it out.

A sharp tongue?

Maybe some yelling?

A good strong hook to the corner of Ushiwaka’s jaw would do quite nicely.

There was no opportunity to choose, though, because in the brief silence that followed the ace finally shutting up and Kuroo trying to make a decision, footsteps came to a stop near them and a voice cut through the tense air, derailing his train of thought. His head snapped around, upper lip drawing slightly at the appearance of more purple and white uniforms.

“Wakatoshi-kun. Picking fights outside bathrooms of all places? Isn’t that a bit _too_ weird, even for you?”

A roll of grey eyes and a shake of a head of silver and black-tipped hair. “Wakatoshi, we started warm-ups five minutes ago. And you’re blocking the doorway. What’s even taking you so long?”

Kuroo recognized both of them; the unmistakeable red-head of the Guess Monster, Tendou Satori (a middle-blocker Kuroo sometimes foundhimself glad he never had to play against), and Semi Eita, a setter he could recognise since the middle school circuit, who had always been one of the shorter players and yet had one of the strongest presences.

“I apologise, Eita,” Ushiwaka’s expression had shifted back to something much more relaxed and calm, and his tone had moved to match. “I seem to have offended this person’s teammate—“

“He’s not my teammate,” Kuroo interrupted a little sharper than he originally intended. “He’s a very good friend of mine.”

The other two members of the Miyagi team finally seemed to take notice of him for the first time, but he refused to shrink back even under their strong gazes. There was silence for a long moment, hanging thick around them, before it broke with laughter.

“That’s our Wakatoshi,” Tendou moved quicker than one probably should in a hallway to sling an arm awkwardly over Ushiwaka’s shoulder. “You’re even better at offending people than I am. I’m jealous.”

“Ah. It is not my intention.”

Kuroo felt the frustration seeping from his body slowly, watching the exciteable middle blocker begin to half-drag the spiker away with him, Ushiwaka giving little resistance. It reminded him almost of his own team and some of the more exciteable members, and it definitely didn’t fit in with the image he had always had of the stuck-up stoic Ushiwaka, top three spiker in Japan.

“I apologize for Wakatoshi.” A brief touch to his shoulder brought his attention and then slightly down, suddenly reminded of the setter’s presence. “He means well with his honesty. It just doesn’t always sound like it. I assume it was about Bokuto-kun?”

“How did you—“

“Have to make up for Wakatoshi somehow, hm?” A smile danced on Semi’s lips, one that Kuroo wasn’t entirely sure he can trust. “Try not to be too offended by it. He means it as a compliment. Fukurodani’s ace is a spiker that our entire team would like to play against. And I would not mind going against Akaashi-kun. He is an incredibly skilled setter. Unfortunately, Itachiyama continuously gets in the way. But perhaps this time will be different.”

“Of course it will,” Kuroo bragged boldly, more than happy to cheer on Bokuto’s team now that his own was out of the running (even if that meant he was going to need to wait until the Spring High for another chance for that rematch with Karasuno). “Bokuto’s in top form today.”

“Then perhaps you should rejoin your team in the stands to watch. The third set was starting when we left. And I have to return to my own team. Perhaps we’ll see Nekoma on the court in the Spring High. It would be nice to see Wakatoshi break through those blockouts of yours.”

Before Kuroo even had a chance to figure out how Semi knew what school he was from, the setter was already turned and walking away, leaving the captain staring dumbfounded after him outside the bathrooms. It took him a few seconds to catch himself and then recompose himself, and when he had, his lips curled up into a smirk and he shook his head at the entire situation.

(And maybe smirked a little more at the mental image of blocking a ball right into Ushiwaka’s face. _That’d teach him for insulting Bokuto like that._ )

**Author's Note:**

> Grassy = Sakusa 佐草 (from 'kusa' '草' = 'grass')  
> Lizard-boy = Kiryuu (from 'ryuu' = 'dragon')
> 
> (though admittedly the kanji for the surname 'Kiryuu' is '吉柳' 'good luck sea serpent' (sea serpent from the constellation Hydra which is the European equivalent of 'Willow' which the kanji '柳' is used to represent) but wtv dragon is so much cooler for a spiker)


End file.
